Sometimes, you realize you are looking at your God-given life through foggy glasses. You are just not seeing things clearly. Blessings look like curses. People who love you fiercely look like saboteurs. Circumstances become threaten to sink your ship, instead of being seen as a passing storm.
At least this has been my experience in the past year. I can remember every tiny detail about the moment that changed my life. It was October 12, 2010, and I was bringing my 15 students back into the classroom from recess. I noticed the people following me inside--my instructional coach, my principal, my teacher's aide. I didn't think much of it, though. Observations were frequent. It wasn't until my principal took me aside and said, "Your husband is here" that I knew something was devastatingly wrong. I started shaking and breathing shortly as she led me to her office, and then I saw my husband of 15 months--his face ashy with fear. The door closed behind me and then came the words that changed everything: your brother died last night.
It was a bullet to the heart, and I screamed out in pain. Stomped my feet and punched my husband seemingly in an attempt to fight back an attacker. Talk about "shooting the messenger." It was the moment that changed the face of my family, and everything I knew to be true.
My parents and I just returned from a trip to Boulder, CO, where we celebrated his 21st birthday and the upcoming anniversary of his death. Grief is a journey, and this was a huge processing step for us. This blog will chronicle my determination to move forward, move through my pain and my loss. To trust God's perfect plan, no matter what it costs on earth. To prioritize my marriage, instead of allowing grief and worry to swallow me whole. To take care of myself and my body, once and for all.
For me, a healthy life is so much more than dropping pounds. It is a lifestyle. A new heart. A God-perspective. It's time to take off the foggy glasses and pray for eyes that see clearly. By the grace of our heavenly father, I seek to discover the riches and the blessings He has in store for those who love and serve him wholeheartedly.
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Phil. 4:8